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Joke of the Day

"When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along."

"What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't? her bellybutton."

"If Neo would have taken the blue pill, The Matrix would've been the exact same movie, except he'd have had a hard on the whole time."

"BOOK FACT: If you took every book in our store and laid them end to end you would be thrown out by security and banned from returning."

"What does a jewish pedophile say to a kid Hey kid, wanna buy some candy?"

"I saw a pink bird with a sore throat. Must have been a phlegmingo."

"Two red blood cells met and fell in love. But alas, it was in vein."

"What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self? A Cellfie"

"Did You Know Willie Nelson Just Died? He was playing On The Road Again."

"I still remember my Grandfather's last ever joke... He said to me, before he passed- 'Quick! Get my medicine!' But, I didn't get it :/"