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Joke of the Day

"Your teeth are like the stars Yellow and separated."

"I now pronounce you slowly and phonetically."

"If the sheets are still on the bed when it's over, you're doing it wrong."

"When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train? When it's on the train."

"Are you alone? Afraid? Lonely? Then you'd better turn up the TV because I just heard a noise"

"[date] HER: the last guy i went out with was as boring as a sack of potatoes ME: [gets up from table] my son is a potato"

"Phantom cellphone vibrations are your dead ancestors calling you."

"How do police know that princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders under the steering wheel."

"I approach sex and parking the same way Get close enough to the end while still being able to safely pull out."

"What is Steve Job's favorite food? *Nothing because he's dead*"