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Joke of the Day
"I treasure my watch. This is my grandfather, who sold it to me on his deathbed."
Next Joke
"Why do giraffes have a great love life? Because they keep a good distance between their brains and their heart."
"Never trust couscous. It's just fat sand."
"I wait til the mailman comes to send all my emails in front of him while keeping eye contact and whispering ""Your end is nigh, letter boy."""
"9am: protein shake, oatmeal 1pm: small salad, chicken breast 5pm: grilled salmon, spinach 9pm: 4 whole ""i don't give a shit anymore"" pizzas"
"They say to have reasonable expectations when dating, and to look in a mirror to see what you can get. 2/10 looking for a 10/2, please pst"
"How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents."
"I was Saddam tired last night.... I slept like Iraq..."
"#1 Handjob Tip for Women: Use your mouth."
"There are 3 types of pain... 1.) Pain. 2.) Excruciating Pain. 3.) STEPPING ON A LEGO!"