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Joke of the Day

"Alien: We've returned, show us what you built with our technology Egyptians: ... Aliens: ... Egyptians: ok don't be mad"

"Despite what everyone says, I don't think your mom is a ""dirty pirate whore"". She's actually quite clean for a pirate whore."

"Have you guys tried McDonald's new Premium McWrap? So much better than the Budget McWrap, which is a dead mouse in a cabbage leaf."

"Why is it ""romantic"" when Aladdin sings A Whole New World while flying on a carpet but ""pathetic"" when I sing it while laying on a bath mat?"

"What is the most prudent thing to do when someone is having an epileptic seizure in a hot tub? Throw in your laundry."

"My friend said he's going to a fancy dress party as a small Italian island..... I said don't be so silly."

"Why Can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible. Also, he has Parkinson's disease."

"""my god, that man is trying to snatch her purse!"" i'll be RIGHT back *ducks into phone booth* *pops head out 5 mins later* is he gone yet"

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? **One.** They're very efficient and don't have a great sense of humour."

"People that start a sentence with ""Now I'm not trying to be rude"" are either about to be rude, or about to sing Ignition by R Kelly."