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Joke of the Day

"What is the most prudent thing to do when someone is having an epileptic seizure in a hot tub? Throw in your laundry."

"I've always wanted to rewrite history but couldn't decide on the font.."

"Movie theater employees have 2 ages: 17 104"

"Snooki's kind of like Hurricane Sandy... She's large, slow-moving, an has blown just about everyone in the Jersey Shore."

"Did John Knott mind being the only cited author on his group's research paper? Knott, et al."

"If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of rice because maybe an Asian will come by and fix it."

"Hey people who have the alarm noise as your ringtone, I'd like you to die."

"""Yo dog, this yogurt is mad delicious."" -Me, eating yogurt, and talking to my dog. I'm gonna die alone aren't I?"

"Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall. As he turned and sneered at me, I thought, ""that's a little condescending."""

"I can't get out of bed. These blankets has accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now I might lose their trust!"