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Joke of the Day

"Two pretzels were walking down the street... One was assaulted"

"People say I'm a mean person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a sweet girl In a jar on my desk."

"My wife is fat. Wife: ""I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"" Husband: ""You have perfect eyesight."""

"People that keep their chin up probably don't find as much change as I do."

"Where do poor meatballs live? The spaghetto."

"BOSS: You ok? ME: Yeah, why? BOSS: You have a sign that says ""2 Days Without Being Annoyed"" [maintaining eye contact, I change it to 0]"

"How come the steel clad soldiers from the Ming Dynasty lost to the Knights of Eastern Europe? They had a chink in their armor."

"I was recently in court with a necrophiliac as a judge... Everyone got the death sentence."

"Sometimes relationships don't work out because of timing, but most of the time it's because someone is an asshole."

"doktor: did you get a drug test? me: nah I know what I'm on"