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Joke of the Day

"I told my friend, ""I like my women the way I like my computer. ... On my lap. Turned on and Virus free."" He said, ""I prefer mine under my desk and silent."""

"What do you call a security blanket for a mentally handicapped person? A downs comforter."

"Went to my first fight Club tonight, was so much fun, got there a bit late so I missed the first bit of induction. But wow was it fun! Anyone who is keen or wants to know more, hit me up for details!"

"I want to be rich enough to realize that I can't buy happiness."

"I was arrested for killing a black man and charged with impersonating an officer"

"during my morning commute i like to make the ""roll down your window"" gesture to the car next to me then yell ""DID YOU POOP YET TODAY?"""

"I can't stand the kids of this generation. It's always meme, meme, meme."

"Panties ... ... are for pussies."

"Just phished Forest Gump's Facebook password, it's: 1Forest1"

"[takes a nap] ok i like the concept [sleeps for a long time] alright alright im diggin it [dies] oh hell yea baby that's the stuff"