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Joke of the Day

"""Will the father be present during the birth?"" asked the obstetrician. ""Nah"" replied the mother-to-be ""He and my husband don't get along."""

"REPUBLICAN (running for office): We need to make haircuts safer! REPUBLICAN (in office): Haircuts will only be done using chainsaws."

"Today I'm 45. But with the wind chill I feel like 32."

"You know you've truly grown up when you realize your parents knew exactly what they were talking about"

"If you set fire to LMFAO they'll become ROTFLMAO."

"What do you call a gay philosopher? Pyfagoras"

"The NSA hired Sarah Palin so she could keep an eye on Edward Snowden"

"One minute without you feels like 60 seconds."

"Science Jokes Thread on AskReddit! For your amusement: http://en.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1auxsf/what_are_some_funny_scientific_jokes_that_you_know/"

"What's the best joke you ever heard? For me, it's gotta be Emo Phillips' Baptist joke. Although to tell it you've gotta get his execution down."