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Joke of the Day

"One of my personalities goes to the grocery store and buys healthy food... Now, I can't find anything to eat in the fridge."

"No Deja vu please...I Don't want to go through that again"

"Did you hear about the plastic surgeon that hung himself?"

"My workout schedule: 1. Run half mile 2. 10 reps of 5 lb. hand weights 3. 35 year break 4. Protein shake 5. Repeat"

"What do you call a mexican guy with a rubber toe? Roberto"

"Man, you don't know how hard it is to quit smoking It's as hard as it is to start flossing - Mitch Hedberg I miss this man every day :("

"If a person dies after suffering an average number of strokes for their age did they make par?"

"Retired colonel talking of the good old days: Have you ever hunted bear? His grandson's teacher: No but I've been fishing in shorts."

"Dating. I met my wife at a Singles Bar. Funny thing is, I thought she was at home looking after the kids."

"When I was at the diner tonight my waitress had a black eye. When I ordered I ordered real slow because apparently she don't listen so good."