151537

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Det. Rust Cohle and a psychopath? Psychopaths are fun at parties."

"Pregnant coworker with 3 children who always complains about money: When are YOU going to start having kids? Me: When are you going to stop?"

"Why is Halloween a crackheads' favourite holiday? Only two more sleeps til' Christmas!"

"There are two things a bloodhound can smell and can't smell A man's sweat and sweat"

"Why do they eat snails in France? They don't like fastfood"

"I reply to ""Happy New Year"" with ""not if I have anything to do with it."""

"[teaching my 3yo the alphabet] ""Ok what's a word that starts with Q"" cucumber ""That's uh... I don't... let's pick this up again tomorrow"""

"GUYS: you need to be nicer to women,if you dont believe me just google ""woman stabs"" and see how many stories come up."

"David Attenborough voice ""Amazing. See how the youngest of the species always needs something when the mother is in the bathroom."""

"Tourist: What's the speed limit in this hick town? Native: We don't have one. You strangers can't get out of here fast enough for us."