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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a 5 year old kid with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor All they wanted was books but instead they got magazines"

"How many words does it take to start a car? Forwards"

"What the difference between a feminist and a knife? A knife has a point."

"I googled your mom last night. I had to open two tabs."

"A guy walked into a bar... He said ow."

"what do you call 6 hwy workers and 6 lesbians on the side of the road? a dozen people that don't do dick."

"Why did the engineer put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work overtime."

"Today I was woken up by a blowjob. I hope I'll never fall asleep in the train with my mouth open again."

"I'm not an observant Jew. You might even say I'm an oblivious Jew."

"For every 1 hour I spend with friends, I need 30 days to recover by myself."