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Joke of the Day

"Confuse the cable guy when he finally shows up at your house by telling him he'll have to wait outside until your favorite TV show is over."

"Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore."

"How did you know I was a member of Al Qaida? Was it my knees? Do I have terrorist's knees? Oh, the bomb. Not the knees then? That's good."

"What do you call a gay Irish couple? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick."

"A good way to force people to feel whatever you're feeling is to hum in public"

"When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. ... ... not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"Moses joke Moses was the first person to use Control+C as a shortcut."

"My Girlfriend broke up with me because I don't last long in bed... I told her if she ever changes her mind, all she has to do is phone and I'll come straight away."

"Nothing is more dangerous than a woman ""gathering her thoughts""."

"I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say ""Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot""."