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Joke of the Day

"People act surprised when I tell them my grandfather survived the holocaust. Most of the guards survived didn't they?"

"i have a very frustrated pet at home... its a turtle that loves to chase cars"

"At my funeral, I want a homie to adjust my junk one last time. I'm not gonna rest peacefully if my balls are pinched between my legs."

"If a duck and a elephant were to vote They'd vote for donald trunk"

"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."

"I'm sorry I said your baby looks like a hairless hamster. But in my defense, you shouldn't have had a hairless hamster for a baby."

"Now do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head."

"What do you call a Mexican fighter pilot? Air Force Juan."

"Overheard in the nucleus... Q: Are you sure you're a proton? A: Yes, I'm positive."

"Maybe this is just the wine talking, but I'm fermented grapes inside a guy's stomach making him think he really likes you"