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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I are so different... I exist and she doesn't."

"Did you hear about the cannibal who tried eating his clone? He was getting ahead of himself."

"Vegetarians maliciously starve animals by competing with them for the same food."

"I can't afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair."

"Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf."

"[Weasel & mink are cuddling, watching a nature documentary] Narrator: ...the mink, a close relative of the weasel Weasel: Oh no Susan oh god"

"Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration? To beat the crowds."

"I feel sorry for Anne Frank... First she gets her diary published, which is every girl's worst nightmare, but on top of that she doesn't get any money from it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare."

"[in hell] Me: *sneeze* The devil: bless you Me, waving as I float to heaven: haha, fool the devil: DAMN YOU Me, floating back to hell: dang"

"Did you know Elvis used to have a boat called the ""Jailhouse""? That fucking thing rocked."