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Joke of the Day

"Friend showed me all the pics taken from the drone he got for Christmas, so I won't be renting the cottage on their farm after all."

"Where do we keep our thoughts detained? In brain cells!"

"Why did the German cross the road? To get to the Reich side"

"I'm starting a support group for people who think they are mortgages. The most important thing is for them to realize that they are not a loan."

"Did you hear about the industrious tree? He wanted to branch out, but his efforts yielded no fruit. But the non-industrious tree stuck to its roots."

"Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, ""I think I've lost my electron."" The other says, ""Are you sure?"" The first replies, ""Yes, I'm positive..."""

"I don't know why /r/deadbedrooms complains so much about starfish sex. Personally, it really turns me on when her arms grow back."

"I'm going to spoil your life You die in the end"

"People in public restrooms don't really like playing Peek-a-boo, apparently."

"I like my women like I like my Poke Stops. Ready to go again in 5 minutes."