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Joke of the Day

"How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale? Urinate"

"Can you get high off of viagra? Yes, but only if you lay on your stomach."

"Zebras must be tough to eat. You have to sort through all that light meat and dark meat. Props to this guy at Disney"

"What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading? Crimea River."

"Ever had that feeling where you just want to jump right out of bed? Me neither."

"I used to work at an orange juice factory... ...I ended up getting fired because I couldn't concentrate."

"It's so frustrating when your therapist tells you to go to your happy place then yells at you when you show up at her house"

"What do you call a Mexican midget prostitute? Cunts-way-low!"

"Today I decided to burn some calories.. So I lit a fat kid on fire."

"[texting] me: I just left and I already miss you wife *typing response* me: (can you read that to the dog for me)"