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Joke of the Day

"How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale? Urinate"

"Me: I wouldn't miss it for the world. Friend: It was yesterday."

"So a termite walks into a bar... ...and asks, ""Hey, is the bar tender here?"""

"What do you call it when a group of Germans give you money online? Kraut funding"

"What's Mr. Skeltal's favorite candy? Dootsie rolls."

"Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him? It was an emergent sea."

"Ten Ways To Tell If Your Kitchen Is Haunted: 1.) Flying forks 2.) Pre-fried eggs 3.) Fridge moaning/wailing 4-10.) Ghosts"

"Today I went to a zoo. It was empty except for a dog. It was a shih tzu."

"Me: ""I'd like to pay by card."" Waiter: ""Contactless?"" Me: ""No, you can cuddle me."""

"How many buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, the enlightment comes from within."