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Joke of the Day

"Why are the best bellydancers all Arabs? Because they can sheik it."

"An art thief gets caught after a heist, how so? Many people saw his Van Gogh from the scene of the crime."

"If your a kid and want to become cooler, heres a tip. Start smoking cigarette's. You can thank me later."

"[turns to buddy just before bar fight] ""I'll take the guy with the glasses, you take the guy dressed as a ninja"""

"The dentist said to his patient, ""This is going to hurt a little."" The patient replied, ""It's ok doc, I'm ready."" The dentist went on, ""I've been having an affair with your wife for a while now."""

"Me: WHAT DO WE WANT?! Him: ""Nothing. I'm good."" WHEN DO WE WANT IT? ""Seriously, knock it off."" I GOT A NEW BULLHORN! ""I can see that.."

"people almost never ask me for man advice because 98% of it is ""you should slash his tires"""

"The Wizard of Oz, synopsis. Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again."

"My tweets don't get the attention they used to. I've seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard."

"If you've watched even one episode of two and a half men... ...you're gonna need to go ahead and get yourself tested."