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Joke of the Day

"Whenever someone says, ""I had the weirdest dream last night!"" I interrupt, ""I had dreams once..."" and stare at a wall until they leave."

"What did Mr.T say when he saw a fat lady at the bar? I pity the stool!"

"Dance like nobody's watching you. 'Cause they're not. Nobody cares. ~Inspirational tweet~"

"Justice Prevail for Morons"

"New BMWs don't have a dipstick located in the engine anymore They're now located in the driver seat"

"I bought a friend an elephant for his room. He said, ""Thanks!"" and I said, ""Don't mention it"""

"My girlfriend cheated on me I told her to leave the game."

"What does Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common? They both say ""insert Bill here"""

"when life gives you lemons make apple juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it."

"So a three legged dog walks into a bar and says, ""I'm lookin for the man that shot my paw."""