125453

Joke of the Day

"Worst flight I've ever been on. Waited for hours, plane never left the ground.. I'm never flying Airbnb again"

"And like the migratory pattern of the white-crowned sparrow, the last roll of toilet paper makes its journey from bathroom to bathroom."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping down the street? His mother wouldn't wake him until 3."

"A golfer to his caddy: 'How would you have played that last shot, caddy?' 'Under an assumed name.'"

"A man and a woman are sitting next to each other... The woman says ""If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee."" The man says ""If you were my wife, I'd drink it."""

"Shaved my girlfriend's cat. Think she'll take the hint?"

"Before encouraging everyone to ""do whatever makes you happy,"" ask if anyone is a sadist. Don't encourage the sadists."

"Garbanzo beans vs chickpeas I used to to not know the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea. But last night I definitely didn't have a garbanzo on my face."

"What's the worst place to be during a tornado? Cracker Barrel."

"Sometimes I stop suddenly when I have sex with my girlfriend. She asks, ""Why did you stop?"" I reply, ""Oh, it's something I learned in porn. It's called buffering."""