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Joke of the Day

"I leave notes around the house to remind me of things I need to do, like ""Pick up milk"" or ""Pay gas bill"" or ""Stop wasting your life away"""

"What do you call a female sex change operation? an addadicktome!"

"I don't like Holocaust jokes... I do Nazi why they're funny, Anne Frankly they're quite offensive. EDIT: a word"

"Now that the new bills have Harriet Tubman on them... if you put one on a television does that make it a tele-tubbie?"

"My cousin was Mulder on Halloween. He loves the X-Files! Oh stupid autocorrect. That should have said ""murdered"". And ""loved"", past tense."

"Don't google ""can you die from an ear infection"" at 2am"

"My Canadian 4yo just told me he wants to be Captain America if anyone wants to take a traitor off my hands."

"My boss said to me. ""You're the worst train driver. How many have you derailed this year?"" I said "" im not sure, its hard to keep track"""

"I started playing water polo the other day It was all fun and games until my horse drowned"

"Why did the viper want to become a python? He got the coiling."