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Joke of the Day

"Me: (from the back of the ambulance) CHANGE THE RADIO Medic: Sir you need to conserve your strength Me: I AM NOT DYING TO A COLDPLAY SONG"

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"When his I.Q. reaches 50, he should sell."
"BF went to text me ""almost there"" It came out ""almost dead"" So hungover, I wrote back ""thank god"" And now he arrived and things are awkward"
"Two fish in a tank.. The one fish looks at the other and says ''How do you drive this thing?''"
"If you are reading this you are probably not blind."
"Brie is my favorite cheese that sounds like a white girl you meet for a mani/pedi while drinking Chardonnay & quoting ""Mean Girls."""
"I'm thinking about starting a feminist group. It's called Ovary-Action."
"Thinking of getting another bed just for all my laundry"
"My wife... It's difficult to say what she does... She sells seashells on the seashore."
"When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout? When he eats his first Brownie.?"
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