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Joke of the Day

"Paedophiles always have a certain look about them... Paedophiles always have a certain look about them, what is it about a beard and glasses that kids find so sexy?"

"Why did the banjo player get into heaven? The devil has standards."

"How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier? The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!"

"Brain: stop eating! Me: why B: you'll get fat M: so? B: there's only enough vodka to catch a buzz on an empty stomach! M: oh *stops eating*"

"Pease don't make fun of dyslexic dwarfs! It's not big and it's not clever!"

"Galadriel told Frodo only he could destroy the ring. Smokey Bear said only YOU can prevent wildfires. Frodo did his job; did you do yours?"

"What's the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? Well, the pickpocket snatches watches,"

"Two muffins are in an oven. The first says ""It sure is hot in here""... and the baker says, ""HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN"""

"What Do You Call A Winery In Alabama? Vineyard Skynyrd"

"""Oh my god, I've...I've never seen anything like this before. This is incredible"" - me looking at a boob"