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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy? A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one."

"What do you call someone who takes things literally? A kleptomaniac!"

"You know who's the greatest person ever? *the first word of this joke*"

"My work out class has a cancellation policy of $15 if you cancel too late. Which means I just spent $15 NOT to work out. I am my own hero."

"Why did the mushroom get invited to the party? He was a fungi. Why did he end up leaving the party? There wasn't mushroom."

"Q: How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb? A: That's a military secret."

"I hope the zombies start with people that talk to me when I'm obviously counting."

"Parenting tip: If your kids are fighting in the back seat of the car, stick your arm over and swing it around a bunch. That'll show em'."

"What do you call a man in the middle of the ocean with no arms or legs? Bob"

"911: What's your emergency? ""I put the Ford in affordable housing."" 911: Are you flirting? ""No I crashed into some apartments. SEND HELP"""