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Joke of the Day

"Admit it, you smiled. What do frogs do when they are depressed? They Kermit suicide."

"Try to eat 70,000 small meals a day to keep your metabolism on its toes."

"TIFU by exclusively using Linkin Park lyrics as replies at work and end up getting a warning letter from HR... But in the end. It doesn't even matter."

"People always say, ""Its the little things in life you treasure""... But whenever I'm naked, girls always laugh."

"I found a new way to get my wife to wash the car. When ever it gets dusty I write the following on it: ""I wish my Wife was this Dirty""."

"Today is my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Really? Yes I've been married twenty-five times!"

"Slasher films are so unrealistic. Anyone could out run a guy walking with a chainsaw. That's why I train running with a chainsaw."

"I got a banging sound system fitted into my car. Might make my job as a hearse driver more entertaining."

"other 21 year olds: going on dates, bein cool, having fun me: trying to become friends w/ the birds outside my house by offering them bread"

"I have no sympathy for amateurs who make sex tapes or take nude pics of themselves and cry ""invasion of privacy"" when they fail to safeguard them and they leak to the media and public."