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Joke of the Day

"I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says ""Buy Nerf guns and candy"", but the adult in me says ""Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy""."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea."

"Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. HI I'M A NERVOUS POOPER. ... Nailed it!"

"Did you know Kim Khardashian's dad was a member of OJ Simpsons legal team? So the whole family has a history of getting black guys off"

"How to be part of a joke? One must simply walk into a bar"

"We should have known communism would fail In hindsight there were a lot of red flags"

"Sergeant Miller! Yes sir? I didn't see you at the camouflage training yesterday! Thank you sir!"

"Getting a girlfriend is a lot like getting a car The more money you have, the more options you have."

"Why did Little Sally drop her ice cream cone? Because she got hit by a bus"

"What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round."