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Joke of the Day

"What instrument does God play? He plays the cello. As it says in scripture: ""Our God is a cellist God."""

"Do you remember that barbecue? You know, the one where I put my meat on your grill?"

"Wife wants to hang pictures of our kids in the bathroom. Like they don't already spend enough time in there with us."

"One day my kids will find a ""We're Closed"" sign for a grocery store & ask what it is & I'll sound like the old guy explaining shit in Zelda."

"There's no such thing as an automatic door. Just gentlemen ninjas."

"What do you call a chica on the go? Chicago"

"Two condoms walk past a gay bar. Two condoms walk past a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, ""Hey, wanna go get...shitfaced?"""

"A man fixes a lightbulb, crosses the street, and walks into a bar. He tells the bartender: ""My whole life is a joke."""

"On my 5 year old's report card it said, ""He is encouraged to ask more questions"". ARE YOU KIDDING ME."

"Why can't Albert Einstein drive? Because he never learned."