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Joke of the Day

"I'm not the jealous type. I wish I was, though."

"Sure I'll join your Cause on Facebook...Right after I jump out of an airplane without a parachute..."

"Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? ... They're really good at it."

"[walks up to coworker's desk] I know I don't say this often enough, but thank you for not showing me pictures of your kids."

"Why suicidal people are usually skinny because most likely, they haven't eaten in years."

"The more you run over a cat... the flatter it gets."

"What did the Bra say to the Hat? You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift."

"I've got butterflies in my stomach... That's the last time I eat a cocoon."

"I had to quit my job as a refurbished dildo salesman due to the recent influx of gay customers. Things have been pretty shitty lately."

"Some say youth is wasted on the young, I say wealth is wasted on the old. Also Oxycontin."