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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a phobia of machetes? Common sense"

"A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME AGE ADDRESS etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED. ''Yes.''"

"[starbucks] me: can i take some wifi home with me? barista: um. sure(?) me: [holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid] thanks."

"I would never want to join the Boy Scouts of America They're just a bunch of BS"

"Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases."

"33, Male, Jerusalem. You?"

"Did you know, that we eat more bananas than monkeys? Last year the UK ate 76,500,000 bananas and only 6 monkeys."

"""Its not you. Its me."" ~ twins going through a photo album"

"What's the difference between Trump and Hitler? Hitler knew when to kill himself"

"A squirrel and an elephant are in the bathroom. The elephant in the tub says to the squirrel, we have no soap. The squirrel says... ""OH YEAH? NO SOAP RADIO!"""