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Joke of the Day

"Today, I'm going to give it my some."

"I don't draw my eyebrows on because I can't commit to one facial expression. What if I see a puppy? What if my house burns down?"

"Why don't you want a turkey at your thanksgiving dinner? Because it'll gobble up everything."

"REP: we are pleased to provide u with the highest level of customer service! ME: oh sorry, got the wrong number. was tryin to call comcast"

"As I was going to St. Ives I met a man with seven wives And that fucker looked depressed."

"I always try to compliment people, even if it's just, ""Wow, I've never seen clothes worn like that before."" or ""You have a dope overbite."""

"I have a joke about Ebola You probably won't get it"

"Watched 'Man of Steel' in Spanish for 7 minutes before realizing something was off."

"What is the difference between ass-kissing and brown-nosing? Depth perception."

"Three People Killed at Colorado Abortion Clinic Sounds like a slow day to me"