124736

Joke of the Day

"D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible."

"Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to snap them and shake the shit out of them until the light comes on."

"""Describe yourself in 4 words."" Bad at counting."

"Last time I was upset, my dog brought me all of his toys and laid on my head."

"Sex has a speed limit It's 68, because when you get to 69 you have to turn around"

"Why cant Stephen Hawking put on a comedy show? Because he cant do stand-up"

"*scrawls note on deserted isle* TRAPPED ON ISLAND! HELP ME! *sends off in bottle* *it returns, months later, with reply* NEW BOTTLE WHO DIS?"

"Stay out of sight - Lei Lo"

"I once thought about becoming a proctologist... but I can't imagine spending my entire workday dealing with assholes."

"What's the best reason to date a pornstar? You never have to meet her father."