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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked me how I viewed lesbian relationships... Apparently ""in HD"" wasn't the right answer."

"GF (from 2nd floor window): either the trampoline goes or I go! ME: It ... was ... nice ... knowing ... you"

"What do you call an astronaut who loves himself? A NASAccist!"

"If my wife googles images of breastfeeding its perfectly okay. But when I do it, and substitute 'big and wet' for 'feeding', she gets angry."

"Which bird is always out of breath ? A puffin !"

"I took part in an erection competition over the weekend I made it to the semi's"

"911: What's your emergency? Me: I brought a girl home last night 911: That's not an- Me: NOW SHE WON'T LEAVE! *swat team busts down my door*"

"I bet other balls don't like Wiffle Balls because of their holier than thou attitude."

"I wish there was an "" I don't get it button."""

"I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me in the back."