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Joke of the Day

"If my wife googles images of breastfeeding its perfectly okay. But when I do it, and substitute 'big and wet' for 'feeding', she gets angry."

"What kind of cars do rabbits drive? Hop rods."

"I kept hitting my fingers while trying to nail a sign to my wall... So I said, ""Screw it!"""

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick"

"What's the difference between when you're hungry and when you're horny Where you put the cucumber."

"What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on a boys face till 14"

"My doctor said my blood sodium level is apparently too high but I take everything with a grain of salt."

"I almost had a threesome last night... Just needed two more people."

"The good thing about having a lot of followers is that for every thousand there's about one who actually reads your tweets."

"A frog literally just intentionally threw himself under my lawn mower I guess he wanted to Kermit suicide. I hate myself. I'm sorry."