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Joke of the Day

"Teaching your kids to question everything is important. Until you're sitting there banging your head on the table."

"Why is it called an Xbox One? Because you do a one and walk away."

"""POLICE, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP."" Show me a badge. *cop gets badge out* I didn't say Simon Says. ""Let's go home guys. Sorry, my fault."""

"Who was the last person to have sex with Marilyn Monroe? Thomas Noguchi"

"A pirate walks into a bar... And orders a bottle of rum. The bar tender says that will be 10 dollars. The pirate replies, ""Do you accept Barrrr Nickels???"""

"What do lawyers wear to court? Law suits!"

"Why can't you eat cereal in the Matrix? Because there is no spoon."

"A termite walks into a bar Steps up to the counter, knocks on it and asks ""Is the bartender here?""."

"I hate that ""You know what to do"" voicemail greeting, because if a recently unfrozen caveman calls, I bet that makes him feel pretty bad."

"Squared My dick is X squared and I rooted your mom. Now she's my X"