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Joke of the Day

"My new girlfriend has one leg shorter than the other... Her name is Ilene Wright."

"Police called me at work! The officer said a burglar broke into my house and drank all my beer, then raped my wife. I said, ""WHAT?????!!!!! He fucked my wife after only 5 beers???!!!"""

"Boss:Why is your voice gone? Are you ok? Me:*thinks back to me belting out Ariana Grande's ""Dangerous Woman""* I'm ok...allergies are bad."

"I answer with an automatic ""Yes"" each time my mom says ""Oh, have I told you...?"" I could miss out on something good but chances are slim."

"There's a new drug that prevents statutory rape It's called RU18."

"I got screwed by a man in a wig yesterday... He was judging me the whole time."

"How many babies does it take to make light? 99, 98 get in a pile while 1 grabs a match and lighter fluid."

"Did you guys hear about the dyslexic man who went to the toga party? They wouldn't let him in because he showed up dressed as a goat."

"Knew a guy who fashioned an entire suit out of rubber bands. He was quite the snappy dresser."

"Two things I will never grasp in life: 1. What to write in birthday cards. 2. What to do when people are singing happy birthday to me."