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Joke of the Day

"I got screwed by a man in a wig yesterday... He was judging me the whole time."

"My friend was dating a communist He should have noticed earlier; there were a lot of red flags."

"Never assume anything but the position."

"When geese fly in a ""V"" formation, do you know why one side is longer than the other? Because there are more birds on that side."

"If a stripper got ""$20"" tattooed on each asscheek, she could bend over & say ""Hindsight's $20/$20!"" ...What a money maker!"

"Turns out she has a boyfriend.. I see this hot girl wating for the bus so I got over there and said: ""Hey, you are fucking hot!"" and she is like: ""Have you seen Taken, if not - look at me""."

"Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common? A: They can both drive you crazy."

"""The book was way better"" - hobo trying to burn a DVD for warmth"

"What did the blind man say when he sipped a frozen drink and was cured? ""Icee."""

"If I swollow A weener whole, will it come out the same way? I feel like it would be really good if that happened."