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Joke of the Day

"The first time I took Viagra it got caught in my throat... I had a stiff neck for HOURS!"

"Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings? Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats."

"What do Tempurpedic mattresses and raptors have in common? ""They remember"""

"God made them God made the little niggers, he made them at night. He made them in a hurry and forgot to make them White."

"If everyone had a gun, we wouldn't have to worry about gun violence. This is why war zones are noted for their safety."

"Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene? Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D I came up with this myself. I'm so proud."

"What does the parrot thinks as he looks at the newspaper in the bottom of his cage? ""Same old shit"""

"My wife said in the morning ""You are an idiot""... while combing her hair in front of the mirror when I walked by."

"Her: Are you a dog person or a cat person? Me: ... H: ... M: ... H: Why are you hesitating? M: I'm not sure which answer will get me laid."

"For me, girls are like blackjack... I try to go for 21 but I always hit on 14."