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Joke of the Day
"Pretty upsetting that gummy worms are actual size but gummy bears are not."
Next Joke
"Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know life is really, really tough for the visually impaired. :("
"Spider-Man's Aunt May is now portrayed by Marisa Tomei..... At first they cast Caitlin Jenner....but they decided *Aunt-Man* was too easily confused with *Ant-Man*"
"""People will believe anything if you whisper it."""
"Looks like Brenda in Accounting drew on her angry eyebrows today..."
"Laugh at your problems, everybody else does."
"You know what's a shame? A bus carrying lawyers and politicians going off a cliff and everyone on board dying. You know what's a damn shame? There was an empty seat in the back. Edit: details."
"Did you hear Apple is going into the wine business? Their vineyard will produce every varietal of wine... except ports."
"Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon. 10 gigs for $80 a month"
"Today is the anniversary of legal abortions in the US or as the coat hanger industry calls it, Black Friday."