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Joke of the Day

"""Your evolutionary biology thesis is rejected."" Why? ""You added (lmao) every time you mentioned Homo Erectus."""

"You know what they say, the secret to a good relationship is never going to bed married."

"I went to the gym and asked the guy there to teach me how to do the splits..... He said 'how flexible are you?' I said 'I can't do Thursdays.' Credit: Tommy Cooper"

"*daughter reading *son playing ipod *dog sleeping *house quiet *I go take a dump FISTFIGHT BREAKS OUT, DOG'S ON FIRE"

"A cowboy peers down the pit of an outhouse... He sees an Indian standing at the bottom. He asks, ""How long have you been down there?"" The Indian replies: ""Many moons."""

"Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting."

"Why doesn't Hillary Clinton work out? She doesn't want to Feel the Bern."

"I don't understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake."

"The three unwritten rules of life 1. 2. 3."

"A chicken crosses the road... ..and meets 007 on the other side. ""What's your name?"" Asks the chicken. ""Bond, James Bond,"" Says 007. ""And how about you?"" ""Ken,"" Says the chicken. ""Chic Ken."""