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Joke of the Day

"Me: Real women don't care about romantic cliches. My internal voice: Please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers."

"Drug dealers are always late. If your drug dealer is on time, it's the police."

"Cop: Save it for the JUDGE! Crook:Ok *crook wraps up last slice of pizza in foil* Lawyer: it's too bad the judge had to miss our pizza party"

"I don't always tell Dad jokes... But when I do, he laughs."

"I am sad I can no longer get Arnold Palmer's at restaurants anymore But it looks like I can get an Arnold Embalmer now."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh! Aaand I'm out"

"Chris Brown said he's done making music. That's funny. I didn't even know he started."

"Why could the drunk man only move left? The officer hadn't read him his rights."

"My wife is an angel A man tells his friend, ""My wife is an angel."" His friend replies, ""Lucky you. Mine's still alive."""

"What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day? Pooping"