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Joke of the Day

"Alcohol is best served."

"Her: What veggies are the kids having with dinner? Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes..."

"""You gotta keep 'em separated!"" -the dude from the Offspring whenever he's doing laundry."

"Be nice to kids. Seriously, they have guns now."

"What did the left bum check say to the right bum check? He said ""If we stick together, we can stop this shit."""

"Never eat bear steaks... they're too gristly. (grizzly if you didn't get it)"

"I was having a piss in a war zone. Probably wasn't the best time for one of my fellow soldiers to yell, ""Cover me!"""

"TIL: Hitler was a very emotional golfer ...Every time his ball went into a bunker, he became suicidal!"

"There's a new drinking game... You draw a random card from a deck & if it's black you take a shot.... We call it ""Ferguson"""

"Ladies tell me I have the body of a god Buddha"