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Joke of the Day

"For just 2 quarters a day, you can send 2 quarters a day to African children. African children love collecting quarters."

"I got a $400 ticket for playing pokemon GO in the car today. Most expensive in-app purchases EVER."

"R.I.P. Today a man died after jumping into a waste treatment facility. The coroner ruled it a sewercide."

"me: ""i re-wrote pulp fiction"" director: ""wow ok"" [reads script] ""this is literally just pulp fiction"" me: ""i didnt say it was different"""

"[creation] GOD: So how do you like the flying? PENGUIN: Meh it's no big deal GOD: Oh is that right"

"Hi I'm 37 yrs old. According to folklore, I've swallowed 259 spiders, 47 moths, 3 coyotes, and a grizzly bear in my sleep since I was born."

"Statistically speaking, 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape."

"Sorry Siri, talking to machines is not for me. I still get tongue-tied at the drive-through."

"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, ""How flexible are you?"" I said, ""I can't make Tuesdays."

"Irony. The other day my friend was telling me that I didn't understand what irony was. Which is ironic because we were in a restaurant."