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Joke of the Day

"Fred: What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: Help! What is it? Fred: Your head!"

"What are the sickest rock layers? The ones with diabases."

"What do you call a bunch of flies in a beer can? An Outback Vibrator"

"My wife divorced me after years of daily penis enlargement surgeries. She couldn't take it any longer."

"Why cant a nose be 12 inches long? Cause then it would be a foot."

"Before you criticize someone... walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."

"WIFE: What are you doing? ME: [struggling on floor] Yoga WIFE: At the bottom of the stairs? ME: WIFE: You fell down the stairs ME: Yes"

"Me: They were gone. All of them. Just gone. I've never felt so alone. Therapist: So, after the donuts were gone, then what did you do?"

"What's long and hard every time you wake up? Getting out of bed. You never feel like it making hard to get up and you usually take a long time to."

"Just seen Michael J Fox at the local Garden centre Well pretty sure it was him, he had his back to the fuchsias."