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Joke of the Day

"Just seen Michael J Fox at the local Garden centre Well pretty sure it was him, he had his back to the fuchsias."

"*Frantically typing on google* 'How to do CPR' *Opens video, 30 second ad pops up* [To dying person] Ok just hold on a sec"

"So a baby seal walks into a club... _"

"[OC] How to tell if you're gay... If when you fap, you like the feeling because there's a dick in your hand, rather than liking it because there's a hand around your dick - You're gay."

"Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he cums once a year."

"I used to piss myself when I stood in front of my 3rd grade class. It costed me my teaching career..."

"You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink."

"I became a proud father today He just turned four, but he was a boring little shit the first few years."

"My 5'2"" friend and a person in debt both have something in common. They're both coming up short."

"What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition? Financial Ayyyyyyd I'll^see^myself^out"