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Joke of the Day

"I bought some shoes... I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day."

"What do birds say on Halloween? ""Trick-or-tweet!"""

"What do you call a paraplegic with Ebola? A parabola."

"I almost got busted for shoplifting candy today... But I got out of it. I've got a couple of twix up my sleeve."

"Mom asked if I wanted to race toy cars with my neighbor Chucky. I responded, ""Nah, that's child's play."""

"What happens when two bald men put their heads together? They make an ass of themselves"

"""Honey, does this milk seem spoiled?"" *milk locks itself in its room til it gets an iPhone 6* ""Oh its just going thru a phase"""

"Nobody was healthier than my vegan, gluten-free friend Chad until the day that baby squirrel beat him to death."

"I had sex with an asian woman in an elevator... It was Wong on so many levels"

"I like my women like, I like my coffee Illegally imported from an exotic location, and purchased amorally like a commodity."