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Joke of the Day

"Normal kids: ""What's for dinner, mom?"" Cannibal kids: ""What's for dinner? Mom?"""

"What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years, your job will still suck."

"What is brown and sticky? ..........A Stick"

"Kanye joins One Direction as a replacement for Zayn... He kicks everyone out of the band and says: ""If there's only one direction, it's West."""

"Two crows are loitering in the park; why did they get arrested? Attempted murder."

"A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk' to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill."

"My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I'm proud of him, I doubt he'll make a lot of sales in the backyard."

"Looking to marry a pharmacist. Looks and personality optional. Just don't lose your job."

"If I was a hot chick. I'd open my legs so wide I'd be able to fit all four of my Ferraris in my snatch."

"Sammy just bought a new pair of pants. He's explaining to Dean that these pants were specially fitted for dancing. ""Ballroom?"" Dean asks. ""Not much,"" Sammy replies."