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Joke of the Day

"My sex life is like the punch line of this joke"

"That new film, The Finest Hours, looks really good the plot looks very submerging"

"I don't see what the big deal is with vaccinating your kids. My mom vaccinated me plenty and I turned out shapes."

"I was worried about the population problem But then I realized we just shouldn't give a fuck."

"If software developers made cars They would cost $500, get 200 miles per gallon, and once a year would explode. Killing everyone inside."

"*walks into bar with camera* Me: Can I take a shot of this glass? Bartender: Take a pitcher, it'll last longer"

"So I was peeing in the pool yesterday. The lifeguard hollered so loud, I almost fell in!"

"knife on a date When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"You should never have sex with anyone in your family... Even if they inceest."

"""son, I've had to throw my golf socks out"" ""Why dad? cos you got... A HOLE IN ONE? HAHA"" ""No son. I killed a man. They're covered in blood"""