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Joke of the Day

"I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises."

"How many coffees before I stop looking for shirts in my refrigerator"

"Did you hear about the Rabbi who didn't charge for circumcision? He only took tips"

"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood."

"baby proofing your house is easy, just lock your doors. There's no way they could get in unless there were like hundreds of them or somthing"

"Shamrocks are the most dishonest of all the rocks."

"A 75 year old rich man marries a 20-yo beautiful woman... And a friend of his comes to ask how did he manage to pull that off. ""I told her I was 90""."

"[twirling my bra above my head like a helicopter and it gets stuck on the ceiling fan, im launched thru window into neighbors yard] me: hey"

"When I see lovers' names carved into a tree I don't think it's sweet, I think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"Dear guys wearing skinny jeans, I... Can't.... Breathe.... Sincerely, your damn balls."