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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a guy with no arms or legs that can breathe underwater? Gil."
Next Joke
"What do you call an inexperienced Egyptian God? Anoobis"
"A cheers for women's underwear... ...they might not be the best thing, but they are the closest thing to it"
"Who is a chemist's favorite Game of Thrones character? Stannous Baratheon."
"ME (wakes up from coma): whatve I missed WIFE: Trump's running for prez & the Cubs are favs to win the World Series M: haha ok but srsly tho"
"I like my coffee like I like my men Black and shot twice"
"""Look at what came in the mail today!"" ""That damn horny mailman again?"""
"DATE: so...this is your place? ME: yea...not fancy but it suits me. *opens flap of bouncy house* oh, also do you mind taking off your shoes"
"Did you hear about that story about the kid, that brought in a clock to school? It has really blown up in the news."
"If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anyone who offers you a chair because standing is fucking exhausting."