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Joke of the Day

"They should fill the airbags with confetti to make car accidents more fun. *crashes vehicle* ""OMG, my legs! Hey, a party!"" *dies smiling*"

"What do you get when you cross a pig with a ninja? Pork Chop!"

"A bartender walks into a barn... The horse says, ""Hey, why the wrong place?"""

"Cutest thing I saw today was the dad angrily slamming the sliding door of his minivan but it slowed down by itself and latched silently"

"Apples greatest success is convincing the world they need a new phone, to replace the one you aren't making phone calls on, every year."

"A couple's having breakfast. He says, ""Were you faking it last night?"" She says, ""No, I was really asleep."""

"You can put the word ""blood"" in front of ""oranges"" and people will still eat them. Don't even try it, bananas."

"My sister asked her husband to help wrap (presents) So he said ""then throw down a beat"""

"What's the hardest part of telling your parents that you're gay? getting up their front stairs in your rollerblades"

"""where did all ur money go?"" I'm either wearing it or i ate it"