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Joke of the Day

"I'll be a millionaire once I'm done making this device that lets you punch people in the face over the internet."

"What's the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut? About two weeks."

"A Freudian slip... ...is where you say one thing but fuck your mother."

"My gf said ""tie me up and do what you want"" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar"

"The way my dog maintains eye contact while taking a dump is unsettling. Can't he read a magazine like a normal dog?"

"How did the mathematician treat his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One's a scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and the other's a fish."

"Whats black on top but white on bottom? Rape."

"What does IDK stand for? Blonde: ""What does IDK stand for?"" Brunette: ""I don't know."" Blonde: ""OMG, nobody does!"""

"Why won't the holocaust survivor vote for Bernie Sanders? He doesn't want to feel the Bern."